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Gwen's wish to all...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

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Ever Wonder Why???

Ever wonder why a gay male's wrist falls limp and forms a 90 degree angle with a verticle forearm, often times as an involuntary movement occuring while in conversation?

Scratch your heads girls. Its really not that hard to figure out!

Think about it. Give up?

Ten Days 'Til Christmas

The time is just about here.. .

With only ten days until Christmas, its time we start thinking about making the eggnog mentioned in last Thursday's blog. (This coming weekend would be the ideal time to whip up this holiday treat to ensure maximum freshness throughout the holidays.)

I'm gonna share my Daddy's eggnog recipe with you. It is the very best!

Daddy's Eggnog

Ingredients

6 Eggs

1/2 Pint Whiskey

1/4 Pint Rum

1 Pint Heavy Cream

1 Pint Half & Half

1/2 Tsp Vanilla

3/4 Cup Sugar

Separate eggs

Beat yokes (that's the yellow part) and add 1/2 cup sugar while beating

Slowly add the Half & Half to the mixture

Lightly whip the heavy cream separately and then gradually add to the mixture

Stir constantly while adding the Vanilla, whiskey and rum

Whip egg whites separately and add 1/4 cup sugar to the whipped whites

Slowly add whipped egg whites into mixture, stirring constantly

Taste ~ Add sugar to taste, if necessary. Taste Again ~ Add rum to taste, if necessary.

Cool and store in refrigerator. Makes approximately 2 quarts. Serve with grated nutmeg on top.

Go for it girl! You'll be glad you did! This is what eggnog is supposed to taste like!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Holiday Time Tips

This past week a dear girlfriend of mine passed on the following Holiday Tips to me. I thought it only appropriate to share them with all of you. So, with "Thanks" to Marie, here are some valuable Christmas Holiday tips...

Enjoy the spirit of the festivities.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.
Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies or pralines in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great Christmas season!!

A True Lady's Christmas List...

With the economy in a rather depressed state these day I have pared down my Annual Lady's Christmas List this year to "what every lady of quality must have," and have forgone the extra niceties that we all want, but don't really need. Offered for your consideration...

A True Lady's Christmas List

• A quality moisturizer
• A 5 star manicure
• Botox maintenance
• Brazilian Bikini Wax
• A pretentious vocabulary
• Affected mannerisms
• A 9" rhinestone encrusted cigarette holder (this one borders on want versus need)
• Lumineers
• Set of 4 Luigi Bormioli All-Purpose Wine Glasses
• A custom colored iPhone (A company called Colorware offers to paint your iPhone in the color of your choice. Either send in your iPhone and wait for it to come back 8-10 business days later, or order your iPhone directly from them, in your favorite color.)
• And last, but certainly not least, and definitely a "must have," Wolford Small Weave Ultra Sheer Fishnet Hose

Good luck Girlfriends, and Merry Christmas!!!

Just Another Day At The Office...

Today, I woke up early as usual. When I was going to have breakfast I slipped on the stairs and got a big whack on my head. To calm me down, I made myself a cup of coffee; I burned my tongue because it was too damn hot. I put a slice of bread in the toaster and when I went to get it out I got an electric shock that threw me on my ass. The telephone rang, it was the police telling me that last night my car was stolen and totaled in a car crash. I decided this was the right time to take a nice hot shower and meditate to bring down my stress and help me to relax. That's when it happened....

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Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed....

Answer To The Challange Posted...

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Click below for the solution!
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Alright, Already...A Helpful Hint...

Rethink your choice of writing surface!

Meanwhile...

Okay! So it's not easy...but it's not impossible either! Keep trying. Persistence prevails!

The Challenge

The challenge is simple...

Use your writing instrument to connect each rectangle to each circle with a solid line, without crossing any lines.

Email your answer to Gwendolyn.

Good luck!

Let's Set The Stage

If you have been following along you should have your writing surface at the ready, along with your trusty crayon (or other writing instrument of your choice.)

On your writing surface of choice, use your writing instrument to draw three rectangles and three circles. Position them relative to each other as illustrated below.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2008 GWENDOLYN PRESENTS THE CHALLANGE OF THE GAME

How Dare She?

Well kids, Govenor Palin shot down all hope for a vote for John McCain from this girl today! She says she "TOLERATES" gays. How magnanimous of her! Girlfriend, I don't need, or want, her tolerance! This woman is a disaster waiting to happen in Washington. I don't know what John McCain was thinking when he chose her for a running mate. Apparently, he wasn't!!!

Well, with that little outburst out of the way, we can start preparing for our little game. You will need a few supplies...a surface on which to write, and an instrument with which to write. Tomorrow we will set the stage.

Ta Ta For Now...

Game Starts in One...

...(one week, that is!)

Blog entries in the meantime will give you rules and clues! First and most important rule...
NO CHEATING

Game Starts In Two....,

In the meantime, girfriends, here is something for you to think about...



Is it farther to Toledo, or by bus?

For Wete You Well The Tyde Abydeth No Man

A knowing glance outside will reveal that the autumn leaves are falling faster than the DJIA, and the value of my 401K. Ah yes...its October and seasons are changing, honey! Time waits for no man (the unpretentious version of my pretentious title to this blog entry!) So put away your summer clogs, girlfriend, slip into your Stuart Weitzman 'Carnaby' Over the Knee Boots, and get ready to join me in some fun this fall.


Gwendolyn has decided to make her Blog a game-of-sorts...


The game presented to you will provoke thought, thereby stimulating your mind. It will, perhaps, be edifying for some, puerile for others, provoking for most, and definitely provide entertainment to all; and most importantly, there will be recognition for the masters of the game!


All are invited to join in the fun...so, toss your sausage curls in the air, bat your sequin encrusted eye lids, and off we go in a cloud of whale blush!


Game starts in three..., (be sure to check back!)

Duh!

Well boys and girls, my fan club has been urging me to blog for some time now, and I just finally figured out that it wasn't something dirty...so doll-tits, here we go...

...well perhaps not quite yet.

Good things come to those who wait!